Episode 4 - The Beginning

TRIGGER WARNING: Domestic Violence

Whitten continues to unmute. She explains how it all began.

Transcript

Unmute

Speaker 1 0:00

Hi , my name's Witten and I'm Maggie , and this is episode four of Unmute . We're calling it the Beginning , so you can actually go back in time and we can figure out how I met Lizzie and how everything came to be .

Speaker 2 0:12

So a brief recap of our last episode . Witten and Sally went back to Pasture Town for Witten's court appearance . Horrible , horrible , but it turned out great in the end . It did , it did Thank . Horrible , horrible , but it turned out great , it did it did .

Speaker 1 0:29

It did , thank goodness , thank goodness for social media . Would have rather it not happen , but I guess you're right .

Speaker 2 0:31

Yes , thank goodness for social media indeed um , so be sure to check that episode out if you haven't yet . As always , we'd like to give a trigger warning for this episode and all episodes . It might not always deal with it , but the podcast as a whole deals with domestic violence and both mental and physical abuse .

Speaker 1 0:49

This episode , as I said , is going to cover the beginning , so obviously we're not going in chronological order because we definitely didn't start at the beginning . We're on episode four , going into the beginning . I've changed names to protect the guilty but also to protect us as we tell this story . So , without further ado , we hope you enjoy episode four of Unmute . Unmute takes place during the pandemic . I've referenced this before . That is why I chose this title .

Speaker 1 1:16

Most of us know what it was like to live through the pandemic and if you don't , you're like four years old , so you're not listening to this podcast . Please don't . One thing we do want to address is that Louisville had a little bit of a different setting because of Breonna Taylor's death . So Breonna Taylor was killed during a no-knock warrant , so she was killed by LMPD and that situation really started a social justice movement here in Louisville . So our city not only had all COVID restrictions , we actually had curfews and other things going on because of the amount of social unrest , because the city was really banding together to ensure rights for all individuals Right A lot of protesting .

Speaker 2 1:56

Yes , Marches , a lot of marches , a lot of our downtown was completely shut down .

Speaker 1 2:02

Like buildings were covered up with boards . Yeah , it was kind of it was wild yeah adding that on top of the pandemic and one of the areas where a lot of these protests were happening was west louisville , and west louisville , being a food desert , has less groceries , and one of the areas that got shut down was one of the only groceries to feed the people they'd be open for a few hours during the day , but then you know wouldn't have enough food Right .

Speaker 1 2:26

So a group of individuals and a lot of people across the city , but a lot of theater groups , really got together to want to provide food out into the community . Of course , theater was shut down and everyone still wanted to do something to give back . So we knew of some individuals out there you helping in the community and I wanted to participate in that because you still had your theater company too .

Speaker 2 2:48

So you had a good group of volunteers that you could , you know , pull together to make a difference .

Speaker 1 2:54

yeah , so we joined some individuals who were really spearheading a lot of this movement , and lizzie happened to be one of those individuals . That is really how we started getting close , right , you know , through .

Speaker 2 3:08

You didn't , really you didn't know her before .

Speaker 1 3:10

No , I mean like of her , sure , and you know I'd met her casually but not , you know , we weren't close friends . So when I was looking for guidance on how to really get involved , she gave me a list of things , and I love you know planning and leading . So gave me a list of things and I love you know planning and leading . So she and I really worked together to um to make a big plan . I joined in the leadership of this movement . So that is how we met . I mean , we met through feeding West Louisville . So it's just so sad to think about cause . We just got close through like community work and a lot of other individuals were doing great work in the community .

Speaker 1 3:42

It just so happened that Lizzie's the one that I got super close with and was doing a lot of this with . Lizzie was and I will say Lizzie was probably like I want to use the word like vigilante or something like really wanting to go out and fight for justice . So it was attractive to me . It was different . It was something you know , I've always been passionate about helping people , but I've never been a daredevil . I've never been that person going out into late night protests and risk getting arrested because I'm so afraid of that . So that was never who I was and I think I found it so attractive that she was wanting to do this and wanting to help everyone and leading them and getting food and getting everyone together . And I was able to use my organizational skills and she was really appreciative of what I was able to offer . That's really what you know we got close doing because I love a project Right , I mean , I'm making a podcast .

Speaker 1 4:28

I love a project . Maggie's now involved in this whole project . She's stuck here at my house with the koozie I made her . But listen , I love a project and I think I was super attracted . I think one of the first things I'm attracted to in a woman is passion . Like having a passion for something , especially if I agree with that passion , like my heart just soars . So that is really how we first connected .

Speaker 2 4:49

Yeah , so not only were you dealing with the stress of the pandemic , as we all were , there were also some additional stressors in your life .

Speaker 1 4:59

Yes , Do you want to talk about that I was going through . A little bit of my whole life was built around this theater company I ran .

Speaker 2 5:06

Well , you started it when you were how old ? Nine yeah .

Speaker 1 5:09

I started it when I was young and I was going through a bit of a crisis with that , realizing that it had gotten to a place that I wasn't happy with anymore and a lot of people who were involved with it , you know , weren't really in best interest of the charity anymore and more in personal best interest , so I needed to reconcile that .

Speaker 1 5:23

That didn't stop Lizzie from wanting to , you know , really move forward with all this work we were doing feeding West Louisville , and it didn't mean that I didn't want to do that . But I also had multiple things to do at once and I remember one day I just was going through a lot of stress and sometimes that leads to me , you know , getting a migraine and not able to do things and I didn't go out to feed the West and Just like one day , and I didn't , my phone had so many missed calls and such from her , and then she went to one of my closest friends and had that friend call me to then report back to her to see , like you know , that I was what I was doing and why I wasn't responding to her .

Speaker 2 6:03

Yeah , and I mean at this point do you know how long was what I was doing and why I wasn't responding to her ? Yeah , and I mean at this point do you know how long it had been since y'all known each other , since y'all were doing this ?

Speaker 1 6:08

I mean a week and a half . Jesus , we'd probably it . It's so crazy because pandemic time , I think , is so hard to reflect upon yes , because also we were working virtually , so I literally could just work from her living room right and I wasn't , and had you already started doing that ?

Speaker 2 6:25

Had y'all already started spending like A lot of time ?

Speaker 1 6:28

I mean , I feel like it was like fast forward , quickly it did fast forward quickly . But we would go I mean , I would work at her house all the time because I just I didn't have like meetings with donors anymore . All I had to do was just , you know , try to figure out how to raise money . It was just a very weird time with work and so I could be near her and you could devote time to both work and then still physically be with her and like working on feed the west stuff and yes , yeah , so that really I mean .

Speaker 1 6:59

Yes , as you said , it happened super quickly because I I mean , probably this was maybe a week and a half or so I told her I had the migraine . I didn't just not show , like I wasn't a no call , no show , right , I made sure they had everything they needed and stuff . I just didn't go . But she still had someone call and then like ask me a bunch of questions and like see if I was okay , and then , yeah , keeping tabs on you , which which is now I know what it was and at first I was like , oh gosh .

Speaker 1 7:22

Then I started to feel guilty , like I was a bad person for not going and that sort of thing . She really instantly took over my life . How so I would only do things that she wanted me to do because first , as we've said , I was attracted to her Right . Secondly , she was a rebel with a cause , felt like you know something very much so I wanted to work on and wanted to be a part of , and also there was a lot of , you know , she'd really push a lot of guilt on me , saying that like I should be doing it and why wasn't I doing it ? And like why wasn't I using my privilege to help people , right ?

Speaker 1 7:59

But then it just I would go over there and she would tell me that you know , all my friends didn't have my best interests and they didn't want to respect what I was doing and my friends didn't believe in this cause . If they didn't want to go with me every day and if my friends were telling me I was over at her house too much , she'd be like so they just don't . They don't know the real you . They don't respect you . I know the real you .

Speaker 2 8:20

Right , I mean I believe that 100% , because you very quickly I mean once y'all started spending more time together , you and I started spending significantly less time together and we were , you know , in each other's bubble during the pandemic and you know we would hang out and play double solitaire and we'd make dinner and do whatever , and that started to decrease , I know , Significantly . It was hard and it felt like anytime that we were , that you and I were together , you were just like itching to get back to her .

Speaker 1 8:53

I was on autopilot , I'm sure you 100% were . It makes me sad to think about , because I know that I wasn't myself , because I was just afraid that I was going to disappoint her Right Disappoint her .

Speaker 2 9:03

That's how it felt . Yeah , it felt like you were afraid you were going to do something wrong .

Speaker 1 9:06

I was doing something wrong by being with you , right , it's like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to do and I just wanted to get back to mother , like oh sorry .

Speaker 1 9:15

I mean it's crazy , it's fucked up . So we started to get closer . There was a brunch , so some places in Louisville were still open and we went out and did a lot of our you know , feeding the West . And one day there was a brunch and her boyfriend came to the brunch . So , yes , she has a boyfriend . Okay , so she has a boyfriend . She'd actually been married long-term , oh yeah , and yes , she's 10 years older than me and he's 10 years

Slow Manipulation Leading to Isolation

Speaker 1 9:41

older than her .

Speaker 1 9:41

So and we're at brunch and we're talking through all these plans and they really want to utilize I love strategic planning , I have a lot of nonprofit development experience and they want to utilize these skills to help rebuild West Louisville . And this just sounds so grandiose to even say it now , because , like , how the fuck are we going to rebuild West Louisville ? Like I don't know Right . But so they wanted to , you know , build plans . And they had me meet with all these people and like , help them , you know , with strategic planning , which I love doing , don't get me wrong . But then it became all I was doing , right , all I could do . I mean I could do my job and then I could do this and I was booked . Yeah , I would be in meeting after meeting . I was putting every resource I could toward helping this . We just would be together every day . I would go to her house and I would just stay . I we would cook , we would do everything and her boyfriend would be there .

Speaker 2 10:31

I mean we're all starting to get , we're all starting to get close physically yet .

Speaker 1 10:36

So she did tell me that she was bi . We talked through her sexuality , my sexuality . We talked through that we were attracted to each other . We would play card games late into the night . Her older than her boyfriend would get tired and he would go to bed and we would just talk . Wasn't physical yet . Yeah , it was just fun , we were just talking . I was just with a friend . I thought we played the game a lot , the game , the game . If y'all don't know , played the game a lot , the game , the game .

Speaker 2 11:05

If y'all don't know what the game is , it's a wonderful card game .

Speaker 1 11:09

Yes .

Speaker 2 11:09

You can play . With just two people . You can play with one person .

Speaker 1 11:12

I played it alone during the pandemic a lot . Did you ? You get eight cards to play alone ? Yeah , seven for the two , yeah , yeah , like watch shows or anything , we would just play games and talk and talk , and talk . And I told her my darkest fears . I told her about coming out , having a Catholic family . I told her about how I felt so lost and lonely and I , you know , I didn't you know I felt so insecure in my sexuality because , like you know , my ex-girlfriend thing didn't work out well and I just felt , like you know , lost and I , just I , I needed guidance and she wanted to provide that guidance , of course . I mean I told her my life story , I told her my fears , I told her everything and she used all of that to her advantage . So I mean , we would stay up till 3 or 4 am , good Lord , just sit there . She would shake and shake and shake martinis all night and we would just talk , yeah .

Speaker 2 12:04

So obviously .

Speaker 1 12:05

Like , were you ?

Speaker 2 12:05

spending the night there , I feel like you were like living with her .

Speaker 1 12:08

I would sometimes I mean , I know you did . I would sometimes leave at like 4 am , but often because I couldn't like spend the night because the house was very full . Right , right , there was nowhere , I would say a couple times on the couch , but no , the house was quite full . That's how it started , and I feel like this is one of the biggest questions we're going to get throughout this podcast , because how does something like this happen so quickly ? And it's because it happens slowly but quickly , to the point where it's not like she's just like taking my phone every night and controlling me . Right , she's saying you know what your family is saying to you ? Like that's not nice , like they got to support you coming out , they got to be there for you . I'm there for you , I know what to say to you . I can make you happy . It's .

Speaker 2 12:48

It's like she knows best , and so then I and she's in your corner and she's the one who's got your back and wants to cheer me on . Yeah , and , and and I'm sure it was just very slowly like , but they're not doing that and I am , yes exactly and she would .

Speaker 1 13:05

She would tell me that , you know , my other friends weren't supporting me the way that they should be . Oh , I can't imagine what she said about me . Well , she just didn't want me to be with you , right , probably because you knew that I wasn't myself anymore . Right , it happened so

The Deception of Self-Discovery

Speaker 1 13:18

slowly . I didn't realize that I was losing myself . I thought I was finding myself . I think that's the saddest part is , I thought I was becoming completely mind fucked . Right , because I totally thought I was becoming this stronger person . I was becoming more like of a vigilante . I was able to ride on the back of motorcycles , I was able to speak up for myself , I was able to be confident and , you know , put on my Facebook profile publicly that I was interested in women . Right , I was able to do things that I wasn't able to do before . I was still able to do fantastic things at my job day before . I was still able to do fantastic things at my job . So I just felt like I was getting better when I was slowly losing my own identity .

Speaker 2 13:54

So I find it interesting that you keep referencing that , that it was like slow , that this was like a slow process , but to me it was so quick but I wasn't in it . I'm in it from the outside and I know you very well and I think that I was seeing your personality changing , changing . I feel like I saw it change like overnight .

Speaker 1 14:12

Oh , that's so sad , I know , but I think the reason I want to say it was slow , and it's not slow necessarily like if you think about time , but it's not like instantly . She's taking my phone and taking all my money and controlling my life at first .

Speaker 2 14:25

She's telling me everything I want to hear , right it's a slow play mean we ultimately know what she did , so that's not something that you can just like Get to Do quickly . Right , she's slow playing the shit out of you .

Speaker 1 14:37

From my perspective , it's just like she put me all in so quickly that I remember how she would hold my hand , she knew that I was attracted to her .

Speaker 2 14:43

She knew exactly what she was doing . She knew exactly what she was doing . Master manipulator yes , and .

Speaker 1 14:49

I think that this happened even quicker but felt longer because it was pandemic time , right For sure . So pandemic time moved , you know , in some ways at the speed of a slug , because we didn't have our other social activities and other things to go do . So all of our time was spent indoors and all of our time was like that and I was with her , right . So like all of those hours where you could be in bigger groups or something , I was literally with her and her family and her boyfriend . I was just constantly immersed in this environment . So it felt slower , I guess , but it was quick , yes , but she got me to trust her like that , right .

Speaker 2 15:22

Well , all those late nights staying up , talking , telling my secrets , darkest secrets .

Speaker 1 15:27

Early on , it , just it . I was in love . Oh , I know it felt so . I don't want to say honeymoon phase or anything specifically because there were so many other layers to it . But I'm so and I've told you this before .

Speaker 1 15:38

I'm so attracted to someone's soul before I'm attracted to anything else physically about them . And she was fighting and doing the good fight and doing all these things and her , her history , just when she'd tell me her deepest , darkest secrets , which we're going to get into some of the craziness but I just thought how she was such a survivor , she was so resilient , she went through so much hardship . She's also someone who's been in a mentally toxic situation and she's also someone she could relate to me and she was biased so she could understand the sexuality component and so she , just she could see me . In a way I'd never thought I was seen before and I'm realizing now because she wanted to steal me and mimic me and know my secrets . But I just thought finally I was seen . I just finally felt like I was seen in a way that , because I have very close friendships and relationships , but it's different to feel seen romantically and it's like just to feel like finally someone understands you Right .

Speaker 2 16:35

Why don't you talk a little bit about her relationship with her boyfriend ?

Speaker 1 16:39

Yes .

Speaker 2 16:39

Because that is just such just another fucked up layer to all of this .

Speaker 1 16:44

She had been with a boyfriend , yeah , for some time . She'd been married several times before too . So I do want to acknowledge To men , to men , yes , yes , yeah , she was married to men before and so I was her fourth marriage . She was married several times before and she was with this boyfriend , who'd also been married before .

Speaker 1 17:03

So they both had older children , right , and they were really I mean , whenever I saw them together not happy and they were fighting a lot and there was a lot of tension and a lot of it involved their children and a lot of it involved accusations that would happen on the children .

False Reality

Speaker 1 17:22

She believed I mean , I think truly she might believe that all humans are narcissists except for her , but she believed some of his children were narcissists I think that was her favorite word , right , yes , and so she was completely not wanting to be with him . He asked her to marry him and she said no , and she came to me and said that she wanted him to move out . They were like fighting , fighting a lot , and I would be in the other room and I could hear them fighting , fighting , like scream , fighting like fighting , fighting a lot and I would be in the other room and I could hear them fighting , fighting like scream fighting .

Speaker 1 17:51

She moved in with me for a bit while he moved out , so she lived with me and which you kept from everybody it's hard because I know I shouldn't have .

Speaker 2 18:08

I'm not sitting here trying to , I know , but I didn't want to .

Speaker 1 18:10

It was first of all the pandemic , so no one had to know anything . Another layer she didn't like anybody .

Speaker 2 18:16

Right . Well , she sure as shit wasn't going to let you tell anybody .

Speaker 1 18:20

Yeah , definitely not me or Sally . Yeah , definitely not Sally .

Speaker 2 18:30

So we she'd broken up with her boyfriend and we got physical when she moved in , after she moved in with you .

Speaker 1 18:33

Neat , sorry , I'm just saying like it did . We know . I know I mean I did want to marry her . It did form into a real relationship and no , I think that's important to say one of the things .

Speaker 2 18:41

I think that that's also another big part of her manipulation yes because y'all had stayed up till four in the morning having all these deep , dark conversations .

Speaker 1 18:48

She became everything I needed her to be . Yes , she did . We were together . Like we were together , I mean , like you know , we were holding each other's hands going places , you know , like kissing in Walmart looking at Christmas ornaments . Like what's our timeline here I'm trying to think now . I got married in November .

Speaker 2 19:03

Well , I am curious about the timeline here .

Speaker 1 19:10

Hello , future editor Witten here , so that you do not have to go on a massive timeline dive with me and Maggie . I wanted to give you this explanation for why the timeline can sometimes be confusing . When you have your whole life stolen from you your phone records , your email accounts , literally everything that you could use to create a specific timeline of your past . Rebuilding that timeline can be more difficult and it results in having your best friend help you reconstruct it from the few texts and things that you sent them during that time . So we did work together and piece together the timeline and now we will share that with you In the vein of the timeline , because we wanted to figure that out , we've decided that probably around the end of July I was getting super close with her , yes , and then August , september , october just super close with her .

Speaker 1 20:00

She probably split from her boyfriend and came over to be with me in early October Okay , because then we decided to go on a trip . So she , with her first husband , had lived in North Carolina , in the city near Pasture Town , okay , and she claimed that she still had some best friends from her past who lived there . Sure , she also . What else was still ? What else was there . She also claimed that she owned who lived there ? Sure , she also . What else was there ? She also claimed that she owned a theater there , but that theater she owned because the city was wanting to close it down and she purchased it for a dollar to stop the city from shutting it down and she ran a great theater company out of it and still brought in revenue from it through the solar grid . They used a grid to provide electricity for the rest of the town and she got a check monthly and I believed this .

Speaker 2 20:56

Wait , wait .

Speaker 1 20:57

We'll get into more things .

Speaker 2 20:58

I believed , but but just this one real quick . So she's claiming that this theater that she bought for a dollar had solar panels on it and those solar panels were enough to get energy for the whole town a lot of the town .

Speaker 1 21:16

So she said like a lot of times she'd get like money back from all the energy she brought in .

Speaker 2 21:20

Wow , okay , and this is years and years and years .

Speaker 1 21:23

Yes , yes , yes , but she's still getting these checks because she still owns the theater , but doesn't she also have no money ? Or did you not know that yet ? I didn't know yet . She told me that she wanted to go back to North Carolina to live there and that she wanted to rebuild that theater and bring it back to life , which sounded super attractive to me , because I loved running a theater , right and so , and I had been doing that for a lot of my life , so that sounded like a wonderful opportunity . I was coming to terms with the fact that running a theater company somewhere else might be great , because the one that I was doing here was having a lot of issues and it just sounded great .

Speaker 1 21:57

And so she said that she really wanted to go , she wanted to look at houses , she really wanted to move there . She visited before with her boyfriend . She had been with , but he couldn't afford to move . So they couldn't move there and I was wanting to come along for the ride to see it , and obviously she and I work together all the time at this point , right . So we wanted to drive down there , go . She was going to introduce me to her friends and she was going to look at houses . Somewhere along the way we talked about how fun it would be to live together , because we were living together , you know , for these 10 days or whatever it was before this all happened . And so she told me , you know , oh , it'd be so fun if we could live there . You , you need to leave your Louisville life behind . Everyone there is against you .

Speaker 1 22:40

No one there wants to help you , everyone wants everyone's a narcissist , yes , and they all want you to fail and they all don't respect you and they all want you to like be who they want you to be instead of who you really are . And so we go down there . Some alarming things do happen while I'm down there , but I'm not alarmed because anything she tells me I think is wonderful , right . So it's like she's handing me five red flags and I'm like , oh hi , you want to kiss . So what are these red flags ? So first we she's told her friend that we're looking at houses and I'm the buyer and one of her friends is a realtor . They somehow are already like running my name through as a buyer . So I , as we get there , and I'm like , okay , well , I guess you know it's okay if we're looking at it as me , because she said that that opened more doors for her . Then we go to the theater . Um , we walk in . It has a little cafe in the front . I am thinking I am with like everyone's favorite person in the world . I'm like I have brought lizzie back to the theater that she owns . She helped bring this back to life . She's probably everywhere , everyone's she is .

Speaker 1 23:48

So we're in this cafe and there is this like backdrop on the wall behind it . It looks like it's from the theater years ago . And I point to the backdrop and I'm like , wow , like that backdrop , so cool . And just like , yeah , we painted that for one of our fundraisers . And I was like , wow , that's awesome , it's beautiful . She's like , yeah , I did a lot of the the painting .

Speaker 1 24:07

A man comes in from the back and he's like hi , I'm gonna make you know , do you all want anything ? We're like we're gonna have drinks and we'd love to , you know , go around the theater . I'm like do you know that ? I'm with lizzie , who , like was the owner of this theater , and he's like I'm on the board . Um , who is she ? And I'm like , oh no , she's like she's even the one who painted the backdrop behind you . And he's like , um , we found this in the back . It's from the 1930s . It was a backdrop from when the original theater , before the fire . And I'm like , okay , and then I'm like she , she , definitely . She's like one of the board , like maybe you're newer , you don't know this , because she can't have lied to me about this . That would be absurd . And I was like do you have like , can you tell me about how the solar paneling system works ? We don't have solar panels here oh my god , is she like standing next to you .

Speaker 1 24:46

She's standing next to me looking like I'm annoying her , like I shouldn't have asked anything , like when we walked out of that theater , and like we went on this whole tour no evidence of her anywhere , like anywhere in this theater . Like nope , nope . And we get out and she's like , wow , you certainly ask a lot of questions . I just didn't bring it up .

Speaker 2 25:06

Wow , wow .

Speaker 1 25:07

Yeah .

Speaker 2 25:08

So , so theater's not hers , but nobody knows who she is . She's getting houses . Y'all are looking at houses as if you're buying houses . Yes .

Speaker 1 25:22

And we did . She does have friends there , that is true , so we do meet her friends . I wouldn't like this interaction between them . I wouldn't say that best friends had reunited . Ah , it wasn't like me reuniting with you in any sense of the word . It would definitely be like me seeing someone who maybe I went to high school with .

Speaker 2 25:43

So like an acquaintance .

Speaker 1 25:44

Yeah , who I was probably friends with in high school , okay , you know , but not anymore really . Okay , but they , you know , knew each other and they welcomed us in to , like you know , and they were , like you know , we'll hang out and do stuff . So they clearly , like , at one point in time had been close , probably a decade and a half ago .

Speaker 2 25:58

But she's claiming like best friends .

Speaker 1 26:00

Yes .

Speaker 2 26:00

She's going back , yeah , okay .

Speaker 1 26:01

So probably a decade and a half ago , they'd been close love all of them . Her friends are two gay couples . So you know , like I'm all in , you know my people , like one of them had a cat named Jinx . After the Jinx , our Jinx , jinx , monsoon , love it , yes . And the other cat was named Moira .

House-Buying Pressure and Manipulation

Speaker 1 26:20

So it was weird because we'd go look at these houses and at this point she says to me one morning in bed , after complaining about my snoring , she says to me that I I'm really going to disappoint her if I don't move there with her . Like you know , she really thinks that , like this is the right step for both of us and she wants to lead my emotional journey with me . And she starts crying and she's like I'm leaving my children to move . I'm going to , you know , move and do the right thing for myself and free myself . And you , you say you're an empowered woman , but clearly you're not an empowered woman because you don't want to leave and you don't want to move and she's crying and I feel like complete shit , I do , because then I thought like oh , my god , I clearly fucked up . Like I just need to move with her and the only way to fix her in the moment is to say I'll move with her .

Speaker 1 27:08

A lot of people misconstrue the word trauma bond . They think that trauma bond means like , oh , maggie and I both went through a crazy earthquake , we're trauma bonded . That's not true . A trauma bond is when someone like emotionally manipulates you with trauma , to be bonded to them . It's like a real condition and you can get diagnosed with it and like , if you will go through trauma bonds and I was definitely trauma bonded to her and you can get diagnosed with it and you will go through trauma bonds , and I was definitely trauma bonded to her . When you're in these sort of situations , the only way to get the solace and accolades you need is to get your abuser to not be mad at you anymore . Right , and that was to buy a house .

Speaker 1 27:43

I had been preparing and wanting to buy a house in Louisville , so I had my affairs in order to buy a house . So we went and looked at houses in the city area and we looked at a house in Pasture Town and now I guess I'm just in complete make-believe world , because it just is a beautiful house and I can just see myself so happy there with her and she's telling me how wonderful it's going to be and I'm going to be thriving in my work and how the whole town's going to get together and they have festivals and we're going to be able to be a part of bake sales and do all sorts of stuff and she's going to have a business and we're going to have room for it and we're going to paint the rooms and it's going to be ours and we're going to . You know , our room's going to look beautiful and like whatever color I want our room to be will be our room and we have these big windows overlooking a pool and it just sounds like heaven . And , however it happens , I am pre-approved and I am buying a house .

Speaker 1 28:36

It I don't know how it happened that quickly , because to buy a house now yes , and to buy this house that I bought right now it was the hardest ever . But I guess during the fucking pandemic they're like please buy houses . So like interest rates were low , like they were just letting , like you were just buying houses , yes , and so I just was like buying a house and we didn't run her name through it at all because she said her credit wouldn't help , sure but her name , sure shit was on that deed , wasn't it ?

Speaker 1 29:02

we didn't go and sign that until december , but yes , yes so I , before I knew it and in every part of me knew not to do it . I bought a house and I am sitting there and like we're in the car and she's like she's like you need to put down $1,000 right now . And I was like what ? And she's like you need $1,000 to put good faith money , like the first day . And I was like what the fuck is that ? I don't even know what that means . I've never bought a house before putting down money and then the next day it's approved and she's like cheering and I'm like I guess we're doing this and then suddenly I'm paying for her mite inspections and all sorts of shit like it just , and you have not talked to anybody about this , but like from Beckham like not talk to your parents , not talk to nope yeah , I just bought a house , yeah , a like massive house that I had no right to buy .

Speaker 1 29:49

I mean I had the right to buy it , I could afford it . But why the fuck did I buy a house in the town I had no right to buy ? I mean I had the right to buy it , I could afford it . But why the fuck did I buy a house in a town I had no ties to ? Correct that she had ties to .

Speaker 2 29:56

Correct and you bought this house with a person you've known for .

Love, Manipulation, and Moving Forward

Speaker 1 30:01

Three months now , who I'm head over heels in love with Right and who's completely controlling everything .

Speaker 2 30:08

I do Completely controlling .

Speaker 1 30:10

And I , master manipulator , want her to be , because I think she's making better choices than me , I think she's going to lead me into the . I think I'm finding myself , I'm becoming the better version , I'm becoming the best version of myself and that is who I'm going to be in Pasture Town , no-transcript and strong , and that's what I wanted . Because I wasn't . And she , I thought , saw me that way when clearly she saw me as the complete opposite of that . But I thought she saw me that way and I thought I was going to be okay . And then suddenly I'm moving to North Carolina , yeah , with her . Yeah , and we originally thought her children , who are adults , weren't going to want to come , but now there's two adult children going to be coming to live with us . Right , and because she I mean she straight up said she was not going to bring them .

Speaker 2 31:06

Yeah , Because she I mean she straight up said she was not going to Right .

Speaker 1 31:09

Yeah , and then we're in the car driving back from North Carolina .

Speaker 2 31:16

From this like weekend trip . You were going on this just little Jaunt .

Speaker 1 31:20

I remember when I was there I was like I don't know , I just want to see a town before I move there . I want to make sure , like the town's good enough for me . And she got like you know the town's right for me . And she got so mad at me . She said I think that's so offensive that you're saying you want to see if the town's right for you , when it really is the people who are right for you . And if you don't like me enough and don't think I'm enough for you , then like why would you , why would the city , like you need to like care about the people ?

Speaker 1 31:42

And I just driving in the car on the way home , belting Broadway and singing in a song , and then I talk about something that my work's doing with some insurance benefits , and then she says you know I , you know I need insurance and I love you so much . And she's holding my hand and she's like you know what , if we just got married , we're going to live together . It'll help us with taxes and it'll help us put a life together . And I know that you want to grow up and be a mom and you want to do all these things and I want to be there and I want to help you through it . And I'm just like , yeah , that sounds wonderful , I want to do everything I can to support you . I want to be there . And then she starts crying about how no one's ever done anything for her like this before . She loves me so much . And it's October and at that point I am now engaged and moving to North Carolina . It was so quick , but it felt like it didn't feel like it was rushed in the moment .

Speaker 2 32:59

Right .

Speaker 1 33:00

Because everything didn't feel crazy in the moment . A couple of times I knew I was getting handed red flag bouquets , but you were too deep in it . But I also thought , like doesn't everyone have red flag bouquets ? I know I have them At least . I thought like my passive going to emotional rehab was the worst thing in the world . My suicide attempt ? I thought it was the worst thing in the world . Right , little did I know .

Speaker 1 33:30

The mental health red flags that I thought I came with were nothing compared to the world I was about to enter , where I completely lost myself , where I was beaten and nearly killed , nearly institutionalized , incarcerated . So , yes , this is how it started . This is how I met Lizzie . So , yes , this is how it started . This is how I met Lizzie Maggie . I'm so glad that we're creating this podcast together , not just because I love a project and not just because it feels so good to finally unmute and to finally tell this story that I've been keeping inside because it felt wrong , but also because that's a problem . It shouldn't feel wrong to tell these stories . People should know that there is same-sex abuse , that there is female abuse , that there is female on female abuse and that there is a way out , especially knowing that we both felt weird red flags at the beginning and that there were signs , but we didn't know how to address them because you were afraid of losing me and I was afraid of losing Lizzie . So , yeah , this story is wild and this is how I met Lizzie .

Speaker 2 34:46

So , my goodness , that was a pretty heavy episode .

Speaker 1 34:50

It's interesting because it's also me like telling a love story that I know in so tragically . Hence the heavy , yeah , yeah , hence the heavy , yeah , so , yeah , yeah . So I mean they're all heavy , right , yeah , I guess . Yeah , well , we are planning one that's not as heavy guys . We're planning one , oh yeah . So there'll be some funny . But this was , you know , the episode where I had to explain to you all how I met Lizzie and gotten engaged and married and moved to North Carolina .

Speaker 2 35:21

We didn't talk about the marriage yet .

Speaker 1 35:23

I know . So in the next episode we will talk about the actual getting married and moving to North Carolina and living in North Carolina . Yeah , Can't wait . Yeah , I know Maggie , this is just her favorite part of her life

Navigating Love and Deception

Speaker 1 35:35

to reflect upon . I mean , it's not good for me either , it's . It's hard , it's really hard .

Speaker 2 35:40

It is hard and , um , you know , I just feel like a lot , a lot of times I'm hearing some of this stuff , some of the stuff I'm hearing for the first time , and some of it I think that , like we've talked about and I've blocked it , out , but I bet I mean I block some stuff out sometimes , just not .

Speaker 1 35:58

But this , these moments , and it's hard because I have to acknowledge , because I think it's important to other survivors to acknowledge and to hear the fact that there is love and some semblance of like good at the beginning , right , or else you wouldn't , right , obviously , get close to an abuser . Yes , so like you have to see that I felt supported and I felt like someone saw me , right , and I felt all these things and then suddenly they completely backfired everything on my face .

Speaker 2 36:26

You saw something in her and you fell in love and you didn't realize that this person was just Taking me for a ride . Yeah , so until next time we're going to go back on mute , bye .